Today I am feeling a bit out of sorts. Actually, more than a bit. Painting is going wonderful, everything in that aspect of life is grand. Everything else however; is spinning out and I have no way of reigning it in.
My mom had a weird way of raising my siblings and me - she aimed to raise us to be tough. Her dad was her hero, a real tough-guy that showed no emotions ~ except the ones seeping out all over his face. She looked to him to learn how to deal with heartache and hurt and trouble, and he looked at the tv. There she watched him watch John Wayne - the toughest of tough-guys back then, and somewhere in her magical head she learned everything she needed to know about the heartaches and hurts and troubles that would ever find her. She grew up, had four tiny kids, and out of her mouth more often than not was "you gotta be tough, like John Wayne". So as I looked at her to learn how to deal with friends treating me badly, boys not liking me back, losing my only friend each year to parents that needed to relocate - that's the answer I got. You gotta be tough, like John Wayne.
At this moment, I only wish I could be tough like John Wayne. I never could. Just like my mom never could, and just like her dad never could. Instead I am devoured by heartache and hurt and trouble. And so I paint...
Still working away on my art book, but things are wrapping up and getting SUPER exciting.
It's pretty weird to put a number of pages (and only like 140) to what has been my life for the past 7 years. Going through each painting and taking a look back on my work is pretty crazy - it's definitely given me a new appreciation
in a lot of different aspects of what I get to do as my "career". (Not that I haven't appreciated it thus far - I have never NOT appreciated it) It's just taking a look at where you've been and what you've learned and accomplished is kind of a luxury that most of us don't make time for, we're so driven and focused on what's next. It's been nice to be able to make time for remembering and reflecting.
The book will be released this summer, I will keep you posted!!
**A very large thank you to Laurie Young (designer) even before we're finished ~ you make me look good. And thank you to Bob Self (Baby Tattoo Books) for all of this.